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Review:forsakenphoenix says:
Hey there, Drue! Thanks for requesting a review from me. I really enjoyed reading this introduction chapter. I think you have a wonderfully unique story here - a different take on the same old character goes back in time fic. I'm not a huge fan of characters going back in time and falling in love with someone from a different time period, but the premise of this sounded promising and not at all like the usual cliched fics. Using the invisibility cloak as a connection and the mixing of the spilled potions was definitely a method I have never read before, so it was refreshing for me to read that.

I really loved your take on the Deathly Hallows. The background of the brothers, leading up to their meeting with Death was well done. I think it's hard to write a fic from the 13th century, especially with dialogue because you want to make it realistic but at the same time, you're dealing with modern readers and it's very difficult to maintain a balance that is appropriate. I do think, for the most part, you make it believable enough that there's more antiquity to the spoken word than modern, but there is still a bit of modern phrasing here and there that seems off. I wouldn't say it's a huge deal though, so I don't really want to focus on that.

I think we do get a glimpse at the Peverell brothers and what drives them to ask for what they did from Death. The banter between them was a nice touch too; you could see the brotherly affection, but it's obvious that Antioch and Cadmus are a bit blinded by pride and grief that they kind of wave Ignotus aside like a foolish child. I guess in that respect I can see why Dom would be attracted to him when she eventually meets him. They seem rather similar in their demeanor and ideals. Not at all concerned about superficial matters.

While we get more of a background of the Peverell brothers, I am left feeling a bit lacking from Dom's POV. Maybe it's because rather than telling us one scene like you did with the brothers, you sort of jump around a bit from her conversation to Victoire to watching her cousins play Quidditch to meeting with Harry. I mean, we aren't left completely unaware of Dom's character. It's obvious she could care less about the petty details of Victoire's wedding and that she's talented enough to be an Auror, things like that. I guess I just wished there was more, if that makes sense.

Other than that, I thought you had a strong first chapter. It's definitely not too out there and it's really unique, which I think will hopefully be a draw to more readers. There were some errors I noticed (missing words, some repetition that made the flow a bit choppy) but as I said in my thread, I'm not your beta reader. If you'd like, you can PM me and I can send you a list of everything I noticed, but otherwise, a good read-through should help clear some things up.

I can't wait to read the next chapter - hopefully Dom meets Ignotus soon! I'd love to read their introduction. :)

Author's Response: Oh my goodness, hun, you are a savoir! Thank you so much for this brilliant review. I can't tell you how much it means to me. I hold your opinion in such high standing, and I can't tell you how much you have really helped me out!

I appreciate it so much, and I've taken all of your advice and suggestions to heart. You're brilliant. Thanks, hun! :)


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