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Review:classicblack says:
Hey, it's Ali with your review!

I really enjoyed reading Harry's perspective at the beginning of the chapter. You definitely managed to write Harry very well. I also liked the added touch of the coins the Aurors used (a DA reference, no doubt?). However, I have a concern. it says in the story summary that Dom must chose between returning home or staying in 1234. But if Dom stays, then Harry will lose the Inivisibility Cloak forever, which seems a little off. Also, just a tip for future chapters: if Dom does chose to return to the present, she'll have to come back at least a few days later because Harry Potter time travel works that way. Harry would have found her if she came back to the same time.

So there are times when you have bits of dialogue and you don't separate between speakers. As in, both Dom and Ignotus will speak in the same paragraph. Sorry, it's just a pet peeve of mine- there needs to be a separate paragraph every time there is a new speaker.

I find it strange how much Dom is revealing to Ignotus, especially because she A) barely knows him B) has his cloak from the future and C) knows about the rules of time travel and how you're not supposed to tell people their futures. It seems like she would at least wait until she trusted/ knew him a bit more before she actually started telling him everything. I realise that she was confused and just blurted out things, but it just seemed like a lack of common sense.

I noticed a few typos, but nothing a thorough read-through couldn't fix.

I liked how you described Jocosa. She was very realistically done- a servant, yet somewhat matronly figure in 1234. I also liked Ignotus's lack for words when Dom appeared- highly amusing.

This was a fantastic chapter. You didn't disappoint.
Happy writing,
classicblack from the forums

Author's Response: Great! Thank you! You're really so helpful!

If I read your review correctly with the time returning part, then yes I've already figured that out. :) She's not going back for quite some time.

And I think you're right. I think I did have Dom jump the gun a little bit, per say. She is telling him a lot very fast.

Thank you so much for your review! :)


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