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Review:AC_rules says:
Okay, first off I'm so incredible sorry that this review took much such a long time to get to. Well, an unforgivable length of time (four months, ack) but well... I was thinking about closing my thread for awhile due to school and general life chaos, but I'm definitely back on course with this now. So, sorry!

I've started by going through and picking out all the little things, if that's okay and then I'll go on to talk a bit more generally at the end :)

First, I really loved the little details you included about Lily in this bit "It was silly, but one of her least favorite things about the muggle world was the fact that most stores didn’t have bells above shop doors." and the bit about Lily loving doors that opened into a building rather than out. My knee-jerk reaction to that was just to smile goofily, then I was trying to get my critic brain on and was trying to work out whether these details were actually relevant, but you used them in such a way that they make me feel like I know Lily's quirks and...awh, it make me smile. I feel like through that you managed to say a lot about Lily's character without explaining what she was wearing or trying to definie her character: show not tell, after all.

This bit There were also matching brown leather couches sandwiching a table that both looked like they would be more at home in a stuffy office – like her uncle’s – than a tea shop, though the man who had scorned the fuzzy white armchair that sat only paces away in favor of the no-nonsense brown leather clearly would have disagreed with her. really confused me. I think it's probably just me being thick as its one in the morning and my brain still hasn't recovered from the amount of revision I forced upon it - but it seemed a little too wordy, maybe? Your style is so crisp and easy to read but I got lost with the sandwiching and the uncle and then the other man and the white armchair and also the brown leather couches. Possibly just find a way to split that up into more than one sentence or something?

"But I love them, I do! " This seemed quite... melodramatic from Lily here. I have a bit of an aversion to the use of exclamatives but... i don't know, it seemed like Annie wasn't really accusing her and it sounded defensive? And that something like "I do love them" would have worked better at that point.

"If Ed says you’re good people" -- should that be 'a good person?' I'm thinking it's just a colloquial thing that I've never seen because I live under a rock.

Okay, that was all very picky stuff that I picked up as I was going along and feel free to ignore any of it at will. I really do love this story - it's so easy to read and so crisp and lovely. You have quite the way with words that means that your writing itself a pleasure to read, not just your characters and plot too. And then I really like all the characters in this. I said up there ^ that I liked the way youv'e characterised Lily and I stand by that - she's quite simple, really and I can completely imagine her not to have the reckless tendency like all her cousins. Its nice a refreashing and I really like her.

Annie was interesing too so it was good to meet her. Although not much has happened yet, I think you've done enough as a writer to keep us engaged and wanting to read more.

Sorry if this review is a bit rubbish, but I really do love this story and feel free to rerequest for future chapters! Its a lovely story and I'm only sad that it took me so long to get to reading the next chapter.

Thanks for writing!

-AC

Author's Response: No worries about taking awhile to get to the review. I can be the same way, and it's taken me two months to respond. *hides* I'm sorry - my unanswered reviews built up, and then once I'd made a dent in them I put off answering yours because it really is a lovely review (not rubbish at all!), and I didn't want to answer it with just an inadequate, "Thank you."

I definitely see what you mean about the little awkward bits you pointed out - I can occasionally get a bit wordy, and I definitely did there. I'll have to go back and rephrase it a bit.

"Good people" is indeed a colloquial thing, although now that I'm thinking about it, I think I picked it up from American relatives, so it may not be standard use in British English. It's a little hard to explain, but it's not quite the same as "a good person" - it's really about somebody's character. I guess "good person" is too, but... argh, it's difficult to articulate. It's different. At any rate, yes, it is an idiom, though I don't know that you've been living under a rock to have never seen it. :P

Thank you so much for the review, and I'm sorry again for taking so long to answer it. I'm glad you liked the story, and I'll keep an eye out for an empty spot in your thread. (... assuming you still have it, anyway. :P)


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