Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:SiriuslyPeeved says:
This is beautifully written and so heartbreaking. No matter what else Percy does, for the rest of his life, he will bear the cost of having turned away from his family until the very last day of the war. The consequences will always be with him, even though the mistake was a youthful folly at first, trying to set himself apart from his brothers.

"The eyes that watched him asked a different question when he took the time to listen: It's a funny thing about that ladder, isn't it, how it's built with the bones of the innocent? Will you stop and think for a minute, cease your thoughtless abandonment, before the world abandons you?"

This passage really struck me -- beautiful. Perhaps the double use of "abandon" might be changed? I'm of two minds about this, the repetition works on one level but if it were my story I might try playing around with synonyms for one of the uses. Also you might want to say "the eyes watching him" instead of "the eyes that watched him." Just a suggestion for flow. :)

I think that Percy's second thoughts in parentheses work extremely well, it's like a Greek chorus telling us where Percy knows he went wrong.

I hope you did extremely well in your challenge, this is a powerful little story! Thanks for requesting!

Author's Response: Percy is basically the epitome of the prodigal son -- wow, that was a little brain revelation, I totally didn't mean to type those words! -- but you're so right. The things he did to his family, they're not going to just vanish. One of my most pondered questions in the HP fandom is how Percy must have felt about Fred's death. He missed a fair bit of his brother's adolescence because of his blindness, and now Fred's gone... It's a lot to think about.

The repetition of 'abandon' was definitely intentional there. :) And as for the other comment you mentioned, the story's in past tense, and so it works a bit better the way I have it -- but thank you for being willing to point out things like that! Nine times out of ten, I'll make a huge goof and won't notice it until a reader finds it. :D I'm pleased to hear you thought it was beautiful, though.

I'm glad you were willing to come by and leave me a review for this! Thank you very much, and I hope to see you around again. ♥ It means a lot to me!

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Submit Report:  





All stories remain the property of their authors and must not be copied in any form without their consent. This is an unofficial, not for profit site, and is in no way connected with J.K. Rowling, Scholastic Books or Bloomsbury Publishing or Warner Bros. It is not endorsed by any of the aforementioned parties. Rights to characters and their images is neither claimed nor implied. The use of photographs and/or the likeness of any person contained herein does not imply endorsement of any kind. Any depictions were obtained through publically available sources and therefore fall under fair use. Although we may provide links to other websites, we are not responsible for any material at these sites. You acknowledge that you link to these other websites at your own risk. All original administrative content is copyright of the site owner and must not be copied in any form (electronic or otherwise) without the prior consent of the siteowner. ©2000-2012 Fanfictionworld.net

[terms of service] [report abuse] [privacy policy] [site credits]
 
 

navigation

home

search HPFF
read stories
write stories
login/register
get help
site links
forums
podcasts
Terms of Service
Site Rules
contact us

  
 
 

categories & genres

Genre:
- crossover
- drama
- fluff
- general
- horror/dark
- humor
- mystery
- romance
- action/adventure
- angst
- au
- young adult

Popular Pairings:
- harry/ginny
- ron/hermione
- james/lily
- draco/hermione
- more...

Format:
- one-shot
- short story
- novella
- novel
- short story collection
- songfic

  
 
 

quick links

my account
ToS
random story
site rules
help
merchandise


  
 
 

fanfictionworld.net