Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:WitnesstoitAll says:
Here for the review swap!

I think the thing that stood out to me the most about this one shot was the strong and distinctive voice that you gave to James' mum. It was lovely to read this and be able to /know/ the character despite the short length of the story. That being said, I am curious to know more about her -- to see other facets of her personality. I guess that's the beauty of a one-shot, though. You get to show a brief snippet, a single point in time and only give the reader what is pertinant to that particular story. I think it speaks to the quality of your one shot that this left me wanting to know more. :) You also did a good job building up a curiosity about this mysterious Mr. Potter. I got the sense while reading this that there was likely more to him than her friends lead her to believe, and when I finally got to see him for myself I was like, "Finally!" It was a very nice build up and resolution.

I think this was an interesting story to tell and play with as a means to explore a different era snd person. You did a great job working with the first person (whether the first person strengthened your characterization or the strong characterization strengthened your use of first person, I'm not sure... chicken or the egg I suppose), and I think the first person suited this story very well. It made this story feel more personal. As for era, I suppose you did well working with the turn of the twentieth century (though I'm far from an expert with this era). The names and the patriarchal sort of society (they all thought it odd for her to work instead of want to marry) gave this piece a old fashioned, era apropriate feel. I think that perhaps the diologue could have felt a touch more turn of the century -- I don't have specific examples of this, but I just didn't /feel/ the era in the progression of dialogue. Now that I've said this, I do want to clarify that this was primarily a concernt in the exchange between her and her mother. I thought when she finally did speak to him that their dialogue was fantastic.

All in all, I think you performed admirably in your self issued challenge. This was a lovely and enjoyable one shot and I'm glad I got it in the exchange. Very well done.

xoxo
Melissa

Author's Response: I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to answer this. The House Cup ate my free time.

Definitely know what you mean about the dialogue - I was a bit worried about that re: the conversation between her and her mother. I'll definitely go back to try and tweak it a bit.

Thank you for the review. I'm really glad you liked this and thought it worked well - I think I'm being won over by first person. (Only a little, though. :P)


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 538
Submit Report: