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Review:caoty says:
Tagged you from the common room thread~

So, first off: your Rose is lovely. Her narrative voice is chatty and fun, which is great, and I do like her a lot. Your Al is a great guy too, he's just so nice.

There are a fair few typos, a couple of formatting errors (was 'he mocked' meant to be in italics?) and a distinct lack of commas in this chapter, but that's nothing you can't improve on. Another thing: when your Rose is narrating the flashback, she'll often make comments in the present tense rather than the past tense, which is a little bit jarring.

I do wonder a) who the father is and b) why Rose decided not to have an abortion. Overall, though, this chapter was a great start to a story, and it's definitely interesting. I'd like to see what the parents think especially. :)

Author's Response: Thank you :)

I didn't realise 'he mocked' was in Italics. It shouldn't be but it's like that because of it being beta'd and I didn't notice.

a)You'll have to read on
b) why would she?

As for the parents and their reactions, well lets say it doesn't happen for a long time :)

-potterfan310


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