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Review:Jchrissy says:
I really like the idea of this story, and by the first chapter it seems that there is definitely potential!

It seems like you get excited while you are writing, which is great! Maybe you can try and pause a bit to give the story some more time to build. For instance, upon telling Al she is pregnant, I think that needed to be played out a little more. I don't think they would just say a few sentences about it then carry on. That happens quite a bit through out the chapter, like I said it just seems like you get so excited to get your ideas down you forget to add description.

I think you have a lot of passion for writing and just need to critique your style and work on editing a bit more thoroughly. This seems like it can be a very intriguing and reward plot, I hope you continue writing it! :)

Author's Response: Thanks for the review :D
Edits are on the way as it's beeing beta'ed
Thanks for the advice :)

-potterfan310


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