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Review:WeepingWillows says:
So far with this story, I think that you keep the reader guessing about who the father is. I think that it makes the story more of a mystery and makes the readers want to find out what happens more!

I enjoy the plot :) And Think that so far you have a great start! The only grammar errors that I noticed was punctuation, but those are easy fixes.

"Bring up the past why don't you Al[insert , here]" [I]i muttered

Sometimes using proper punctuation helps with the flow of a story :)

So it'd look like this now: "Bring up the past why don't you Al," i muttered.

I is generally always capitalized too. :) Just a little tip! I don't think it was too distracting though and I thought that you have a very interesting plotline. Keep up the good work :D

Author's Response: thanks for the review :)
and the grammar will be fixed

thanks again x
-potterfan310


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