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Review:academica says:
Hi Pix! I'm here with requested review #2 :)

As expected, this was very cute. I liked hearing about how each of the boys had discovered their magic, and it was entertaining to imagine Fred and George sitting and wearing smiles amongst the remnants of their demolished bedroom. I really think you've done a good job of nailing down their personalities; for example, I think being able to read so early (and attempting to prove this at every turn) is very suited to them. Ron and Ginny were also very cute in this chapter. It's interesting to imagine all of the children at such young ages.

I also really liked Arthur here. I think he would sit back and reminisce about his children, since he's certainly a family man and seems to cherish each and every one of them. Though I think a lot of times we're tempted to assume that Molly is the glue holding the family together, in this piece, I feel like Arthur is really stepping up and taking charge, even with the simple act of getting a new bed set up for his sons. He just struck me as being so steady, and I really liked that.

Now, the flow didn't go quite as well here for me, though it's not poor by any stretch. Since you asked me to be tough, I'm going to do something I don't usually do and nitpick a little. I feel like a comma is missing in the first paragraph (after 'birthday boys') and in the eleventh paragraph (after 'Bill'). I think paragraphs 8 and 9 could have been a little clearer as well - in paragraph 8, it's a little hard to tell whether it's Ron or Ginny who says, "I wanna see!" and in paragraph 9, it's a little confusing for Ginny to say "Not a baby!" if the line referring to her being a baby wasn't spoken and was just part of the third person narrative. I hope all of that makes sense. It really is nitpicking, because there isn't anything majorly wrong, and these are my best guesses at what might have impeded the flow a little here for me.

On another note, the set of lines about how Fred and George got mad at having to play with Percy on their birthday cracked me up. Poor Percy, always getting the short stick :)

Very nicely done! Hope this helps, and you can certainly come back and re-request for chapter three if you like.

-Amanda

Author's Response: Thanks!

I'm so happy that you appreciated Arthur. He deserves some good times too.

I will look at that flow issue and see what I can do about that. It was a challenge to juggle all those Weasleys in that scene, haha! I felt a bit claustrophobic writing it.

And poor Percy, indeed! Always getting the short end of the stick. :)


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