Gah, Susan, this is fabulous. Al and Scorpius are my favorite Next Gens and to see you + them + humor, I was scrambling to read the first chapter.
I'm already giggling at Al's narrative. His descriptions of Scorpius, of course, are my favorite. Scorpius kind of reminds me of a preening peacock with all this delicately pretty features.
I think this is my favorite part of the chapter: Coy as ever, Malfoy sidled over; his grandfather must be glaring up at him from hell in horror at this ghastly result of careful breeding and failed reputation. Scorpius Malfoy was an Auror, which immediately placed him in the failure column for his parents, and, to boot, he was a delicate flower of manhood from his pretty golden locks to his lilywhite skin, which made him a failure among the Aurors.
I love how he's so different from Albus - yes, he became an Auror (probably for the sake of having a job and he seems like the type of character who would do something just to spite his family), but he's all about being safe and taking the easy way out, whereas Albus just wants to go somewhere with his career, eager to get those difficult cases and prove himself worthy of being Harry Potter's son. The little bit about how he wished there was a Dark Wizard running around to help boost his career was amusing, too.
Eager Beaver is great too - from his cologne to his desperate desire to take over Harry's job and being all condescending to Albus all the while. Sticking Albus with Malfoy certainly doesn't win him any points (except perhaps with me, because I seriously think that Albus and Scorpius's interactions are hilarious and I'm going to really enjoy this story a lot).
I'm not sure if anyone pointed these out, but some corrections:
He must have borrowed out the Beaver's in his quest - the 'out' makes this sentence read awkwardly
I turned his back and bent over some parchment or another. - I'm not quite sure what you're trying to say here...maybe take out the 'his.'
I let out a painful sigh I could muster - this sounds awkward, maybe 'let out the most painful sigh I could muster' would work better
bottom rung of the latter - ladder
Only the witch puzzled many, her face a cross between Dad's and Teddy's mothers - unless Teddy has more than one mother, that should read mother's
I really enjoyed this first chapter, and I look forward to reading the rest. I'm always up for some good humor stories to break up the monotony of all the angst. ;)
Author's Response: You are fabulous, Missy! I never expected you to read this story, though now that I think about it, you have mentioned an interest in Albus and Scorpius, so it's fantastic that you've chosen this silly story to read. They're fun characters to write, not only because I've exaggerated them a bit here, but also because they're got a lot of potential for a combination of humour and depth that should make for some very exciting developments.
Albus in his turn exaggerates his descriptions of Scorpius. He derides Malfoy for taking care with his appearance and possessing a very nice set of facial features - he makes the incorrect assumption that, because Malfoy's pretty, he can't be smart. I'm looking forward to writing the moment when Albus's assumptions about Scorpius are proven wrong - it will blow poor Albus's mind. XD
Scorpius is going to be the ultimate contrarian, doing things because other people won't, or better yet, tell him not to. It makes him more of a radical than Albus, who is the sort that is good at talking, but is sometimes too timid to actually follow through - he cares too much about his reputation and that of his family to take too much of a risk. Albus is also driven to succeed at his job, which puts him at odds, his ambition against his reputation, and this case will end up pushing him to his furthest limits.
I've made those changes, thank you for pointing them out. I'm embarrassed that I've missed so many, and such dreadful ones, too!
Also thank you for reading and reviewing this story! It's wonderful to have you reading and enjoying it, and I hope that I'm able to write more of it soon! :D