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Review:CambAngst says:
Tagging you again from the Review the Person Above You thread in the common room.

So I'm all caught up, and I really enjoyed reading your story. You write very well, and it's been free of distracting typos and grammar problems. Everything flows really nicely and you mix up your narrative and dialog really well. Moreover, everything really sounds like it's coming from the perspective of young children. There's a childlike wonder to it all that's really entertaining.

I grimaced when they handed the whipped cream cans to Ginny. I knew exactly where that situation was heading. Little Ginny is really adorable. She's so sassy and impatient, just the way she turns out later on. I loved the way you wrote her and Ron in this.

Bill and Charlie are such great older siblings. Even Percy isn't so bad. You're really captured the closeness of the whole family from a very touching and believable way.

My only suggestion for this chapter is I would have enjoyed having the section between Ginny starting to spray whipped cream and Arthur intervening to fix the problem be longer. I felt like there was a lot more you could have explored there. Everything happens really fast. There seemed like really funny possibilities if you'd had the twins try for longer to fix their mess, perhaps with Percy's assistance or even Ron or Charlie.

Overall, a great chapter! Bravo!

Author's Response: Wow. Thanks so much!

I believe that once you have children of your own, all anyone has to do is say "can of whipped cream" and you will automatically know what happens next. :)

I agree with your suggestion, that I could have lengthened the action of that kitchen section. Originally, I had this as a one-shot, so I didn't want it to go on too long... also, a little part of me wanted to show that Arthur was an attentive parent who, even when he got distracted or busy, didn't let his children run off unsupervised for very long. But yes, I might have missed more comedic opportunities by cutting that short. I'm sure by next year, Fred and George will have planned something much more elaborate, especially if Charlie helps!


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