Why, hello there! It's ShieldSnitch3 from the forums here with your review!
So. Yeah. Wow. You asked for my thoughts, there they are :p Seriously, this is really good. You asked if I would want to read more, and I definitely do. You've got me hooked :)
Okay, now onto a real review. First off, I /loved/ the opening line. It was so blunt and short, but it pulled me in. It was kind of a daring move, to be honest, but it worked. Also, I love the lack of dialogue in the chapter. It makes this feel like a prologue, which I guess is appropriate, as it's the protagonist looking back on her life. So yeah, the lack of dialogue added a lot to the tone/mood of the chapter. Just make sure to add some in once the story gets rolling.
I was really intrigued by the theme of the chapter. It's a fascinating concept, really, like the butterfly effect. It's got me wondering what type of choices she made, and how those choices screwed up her life so much. There was this one bit I really loved:
"Then again, maybe it wouldn't have made any difference. Maybe the decisions we make in life are what define us, and to wish a one hadn't been made is something of a sin against ourselves."
Sorry, I'm a philosophy nerd. I love thinking about deep and meaningful questions like this. GAH. That's probably why I'm freaking out about this chapter ;)
I also liked how you started putting in a bit of characterization in this chapter - not too much, but just enough for us to keep in mind as we read on. Talking about the bit that starts with "One boy wouldn't see the implications of his Sorting before it's too late..." here. So yeah, I loved the subtle hints about what's coming up.
All in all, I thought you had a very well written chapter that definitely drew me in to the story. The only slliight issue I found was a few mechanics mistakes, but they were so small that it's hardly worth mentioning. I'm just a grammar freak and pick up on the smallest things, so don't worry. It was just little things like a missing comma in one sentence and two apostrophe marks in a contraction. Overall, the grammar was very good.
Anyway, I hope this review helped! If it did, feel free to re-request because I really want to read more and I'm afraid that I'll forget unless you remind me because life is super-busy right now and I'm rambling so I apologize and I'll stop now :)
Author's Response: Sorry I'm like a year late in responding...
Aww thankies!! That's exactly what I was going for, the WOW factor. Kidding...but it's amazing you think that!
That's cool, I was really worried about opening like this, it's so ambiguous and there's like no story or anything, so I'm glad you're getting it!!
I KNOW, right?? I love being all philosophical, adding frustrating mysterious questions, love that you love it!
Kind of wanted to put one action to one main character, so hopefully later we'll see whose actions caused what, if you get what I'm meaning??
Aww that old enemy of mine, so annoyed a few mistakes got through!!
Thanks for reviewing, sorry the reply's so late again! You're a super reviewer!