Hey! This is apocalypse, here with your review! =)
You're back with your requests! I was so happy to see your request in my topic; I'd been worried that somehow, I had offended you away and that you'd disliked my reviews. It's such a relief to be back reviewing your story! =)
Well, I really like this new idea of yours. I think that it's very interesting and given the way you've started the story, I felt that it was going to be fun, sweet and interesting to read (even though it's supposed to be scary story, but still =P)
Description: The description is not the really detailed one, that's for sure. But interestingly, I felt like you did not need excessive description and too much imagery in this chapter. It was perfect the way it is and the way you described the emotions and feelings was excellent. I really could feel pity for Remus; also there was some sort of familiar touch about him that made reading this story all the more enjoyable. Your dialogues did most of the work for description which means that it's excellent the way it is =) I like it!
Characterization: Even though it's only the first chapter, I really felt like I could connect with both Jane and Remus. I love the way she seems to care about him so much but on the other hand is frustrated with him. And there, he cares about her clearly and wants to be with her but is holding back. You portrayed those parts of their characters brilliantly and I think that it couldn't have been any better.
Flow: It went perfectly. I think that your writing style in this story suits the theme of the story. The short sentences and paragraphs add to the story instead of making it seem abrupt. As its mystery and suspense, I think that the shorter sentences are way better than the longer ones.
It's a perfectly good chapter, though I was wondering something. Jane and Remus have known each other for so long and you know, she knows that he's been sick over the years. And they were considerably close by the looks of it, so I wondered why Jane hadn't already figured out that he was a werewolf. She's a healer so, you know, she should be able to notice the visible signs of a disease, right? It's just a thought; of course, I understand that her not knowing is important for your story. Maybe you could decrease the time they had spent together just to keep us form wondering why she doesn't know already? Anyway, I'm sure you already have a justification so I'll just wait for that =)
It's good to be back to your stories! =) Thanks for requesting and I hope that you find this review helpful. This is a really good story and I've already fallen in love with the characters already! Really good job! =) Until next time, Good Luck and Happy Writing! =D
Author's Response: Oh, no, of course you haven't! ♥ I just never seemed to see your thread when you have spots open. I was sad.
I'm really glad that you felt like you could connect with the characters - as a reader, I know that that's one of the most important things I look for in a story, and I love finding it early on. So yay. :)
Yes, Jane is a healer, so she probably should have noticed it - but I tend toward thinking that it would just seem so ridiculous that she wouldn't. I mean, who would have thought that Dumbledore would allow a werewolf to attend Hogwarts (in the time)? You know?
I do have some justification for it, though, and I hope it satisfies you. :)
Thank you so much for the review. As always, you are exceptionally helpful.