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Review:Fingerposts says:
Hey, it's simplelullaby with your review!

First off, I'd like to say that I absolutely adored this. You managed to avoid the usual Vic/Teddy clichés and pulled off characterisation so well in such a short time.

And also, this was such a lovely bit of fluff to brighten up my day! I was smiling most of the way through it. Reading your A/N, I realised I've read "In a Brown Study" and it was also amazing, so this was a nice surprise.

Anyway, I should really quit rambling and get on with the review, shouldn't I?

The start I thought was a little shaky. The first sentence, especially, was a little bit clumsy. Maybe reword it, or add more description about the room. The "dimly-lit" description was a little bit...pointless? I hope you get what I mean.

But, I loved your Enid character! However minor she was, I instantly knew how she looked through your little descriptions dotted in and about your main writing, and this is something I especially love in stories. She's just one of those characters which jumps out of the page. Also, I thought she was a clever little character to put in just so we could see what Teddy thought of Victoire even BEFORE we meet him.

The character I love most in this though is Victoire. She's such a wonderful blend of teenage shyness and insecurity, and at the same time I got the sense that she didn't APPEAR shy or insecure to any outsiders. She was just human to me. I loved her embarrassment when Enid said Teddy mentioned her, and the little things she manages to notice, like Enid's pudgy hands. Brilliant!

Fred and Micah I quite loved. Again, as with Enid above, you managed to make them so REAL with just a few words.

The paragraph where Victoire asks herself endless questions just HAS to be mentioned, just because it was so brilliant. It just humanised her more than anything else ever could.

I liked Teddy's initial appearance - the fact that he just goes and changes it because Victoire wants him to gave me a lovely fuzzy feeling inside. You just get a sense that he'd do absolutely anything for her.

"Remind me to get them both something nice for Christmas." I loved this line. Lovely!

I noticed about midway in that you could do with varying the lengths of your sentences - a lot of them are fairly long when they could be split up into bitsize chunks for us lovely readers.

I love the initial awkwardness between Teddy and Victoire when they're first alone. I'm loving Victoire's uncertainly of how she's SUPPOSED to act now that she's Teddy's girlfriend. Actually, I'm just loving Victoire.

This might seem a little nit-picky, but a little more description of Victoire's pyjamas would be good, just so that we readers can understand Teddy's hefty reaction when he sees them better. I had to go back and read "tank top and shorts" before I understood.

Teddy being all noble - I'm just loving it. Again, you just get the sense that he's been dreaming of this moment for a long time, and he doesn't want anything to go wrong. And I'm liking Victoire's increasing frustration with him.

I absolutely LOVE Victoire's seducing techniques. Your description in this section I feel is just right. It's not a lovey-dovy-mushy overkill, it's not so indirect that nobody gets it, or so unfeeling that nobody WANTS to get it. You've managed to get it just right - so jealous!

Another aspect of this story I loved so much (if you haven't got it yet) is Victoire "rediscovering" Teddy. It's just another brilliant addition.

But "Feelingly?" I really just don't like this word, it took me right out of the story and stuck out in the sentence like it wasn't really supposed to be there.

"She opened her mouth and he shook his head." I wasn't sure who was speaking at this part. Maybe a little word or two of extra explanation would help?

The part where Teddy is telling Victoire WHY he doesn't want to get carried away is a little dialogue-centric. I would've liked to know a little more of what Victoire was feeling, not just what she was telling Teddy.

"Teddy had inherited his grandmother's seriousness about tea." This has to be my favourite line. I love it!

And something has to be said about the ending. It was perfect. 'Nuff said.

So, if you haven't got it yet, I loved your story.

What you actually asked about:

Flow: I thought it went pretty well. There were separate, distinctive sections, just the right amount of Victoire's thoughts, and minor characters making the story seem all-the-more real. It went really REALLY well.

Description: Your character-description is brilliant, and I especially love your minor-character description. If anything has to be worked on, it's setting. We really didn't get too much of that.

I hope I helped, and I hope this wasn't just a silly ramble you can't take anything from.

~Aimee~

(9/10)

Author's Response: This was much a long, detailed review. I love getting these, and since these tend to be the sorts of reviews I write as well, I know how long they take. I just want you to know how much I appreciate it.

I definitely understood what you were talking about with all of the cc, and I've actually already gone through the story with this review open and made a lot of the changes you suggested.

I'm really glad that you enjoyed this, and I'll certainly be visiting your review thread in the future. :) Thank you so much for such a lovely review.


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