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Review:WitnesstoitAll says:
Hey! I actually don't read the marauders all that much, so I don't really know how to comment on or compare this to other sirius fics. However, I can comment on it from a romantic drams sort of stand point. I think that you have a good structure for this first chapter. The memory sort of serves to fill the reader in of a part of their background and the present scene sets the stage for the rest of the story. Your use of description occurred in all the right places (see what I did there?) but perhaps in future chapters take into consideration how 'typical' or commonplace the descriptor is. The ones you use are good and effective, but I've found that less obvious descriptors to be more exciting to read since they aren't so commonplace. Also, I've found that it is helpful to extend description themes out for the scene. For example, you say, "I felt as though I were drowning in them." referring to his eyes. In a similar situation in the future, consider relating his eyes to something liquid and extend the metaphor out to the drowning. (this is just some advice to help tighten up description. I really think that you've made some aweoms strides here!! It's great to see writers working at things). The interaction between your Anastasia and Sirius is intriguing and I think sets up readers to want to continue on! I would, if you're keeping to canon check your dates. Ifyou you're not keeping to canon, ignore what I'm about to say! ;) Lily wouldn't have been pregnant with Harry until long after they left school and Sirius was incarerated in Azkaban for 12 years, not five. Other than that, I think this was a pretty solid chapter. I hope you find my comments on description helpful!! Good luck writing the rest of this story! Keep up the good work.

Melissa

Author's Response: Oh,I see. Good,structure is one of my weak points. Awesome(: I will definitely think about that when writing chapter 2. Awesome! I really love this story actually. I loved writing Anastasia,especially since no one can tell me I characterized her,because she's my creation(: Its not a canon story because Im lame:P considering Anastasia doesn't actually exist in the series,it can't be canon!;P Thanks for the review!

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