Hi! Elenia here with your review (:
I think this was a very promising start, especially if it is your very first HPFF! Congratulations for that btw! I just posted my first one too, so I know how anxiously you are waiting to hear what people think about your story!
Okay, about plot first. I think you have a great idea going on here. Part of it is a bit cliche, but I don't mind. People love just this kind of stories, that's why they become so popular in the first place! The chapter flowed forwards and was very action-filled as we got to see a near death experience immediately! Good way to keep up interest!
I liked the fact that you changed P.o.V.'s during the chapter. I think you did great job especially on James' part. It was nice that both of their view's were so different, one immediately noticed that we were watching the scene through different eyes and mind, so excellent work on that!
Alyce seemed nice and likeable! We didn't learn that much from her yet, but I bet that will change during the next chapters.
I could picture the Potters welcoming the twins after their parents disowned them. I bet that's something they really would do in a situation like that. I would have wanted to learn a bit more about how that really happened, but again, this is just the first chapter. One cannot put everything in it (:
And James, quite the hottie isn't he? That's just how I see him always. It was adorable how they both realised on the same situation that they liked each other. Let's see how the story evolves from that point on.
Again, I would have wanted to hear a bit more why they suddenly realised they had a crush for each other. But I guess I'm just so cynical that I don't believe one can fall in love so easily, so possibly this is just me talking (x
I noticed only a couple tiny grammar problems but I'm not the best judge on that since it's not my native language!
I hope you found my review to be helpful and didn't get offended by anything! I really think you did a good job overal!
Author's Response: Thamk you! I just want to apologise for how long it took me to respond, I found it the day you left it and had my happy dance and squeeing moments, but, I was on my phone so I couldn't respond and I've been so busy at school lately, I AM SO SORRY!
Pathetic excuse over...
ww thank you, I read yours for the review the person above you in the Gryffie common room and I love it, and favourited it and read the next update etc ;)
Awww Thank you :) Ooops it's probbly because I love cliches :/
Pheww, tht was one of the things i was worried about, so hearing that has made me happy! :)
Yeah, I gave a fair bit of info but I get what you mean ;)
Yeah, I wanted it to be as realistic as possible and that's the complete opposite of everyone else, they've all told me less is more :/
Ummm-Hmmm he is, but he's al mine *evil laugh* (No siriusly, back off ;) ) Yeah I think they make a cute couple :)
Ahah yeah, I know its abit odd, but I suppose when you think your/the person you like is about to die, you would probably realise just how much you actually care
Yeah, I'm better at the creative side of wriing, not the technical side ;) Oh really, I didn't realise, everything you've written makes perfect sense to me :)
Yes thank you, thank you for helping me so muc, Aww thankyou, I'll probably find my way back to your thread so until next time ;)