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Review:Roots in Water says:
It's your Secret Santa again!

This is a very interesting story! It's very unique- I don't think I've ever read one before where the main character is obliviated and lives with a muggle couple and I look forward to seeing where you take this.

I think that you're doing a great job of creating Beth's character. It's interesting that her father was considered dangerous by the Death Eaters and (as mean as it sounds), I think that it was a nice touch that you killed her parents. The Death Eaters couldn't have risen so high and become so feared if they were able to be taken down, fooled and beaten by any witch or wizard.

It was also very interesting to read a well-known canon seen from an OC's point of view. The way they ran into the woods, the same as Harry, Hermione and Ron had done... I was surprised when the apparition turned out to be done by Barty Crouch Jr (if I understood that scene well)- I first thought that it was her father, taking them to safety. As well, your characterization of Barty Crouch Jr. was very well done. He wasn't exactly sane but he was functional, something he had to be in order to masquerade as Moody for an entire school year.

Your short sentences in the beginning and end of the second chapter really added an extra aspect to the story, because they gave the impression of confusion, helplessness and fear and help the reader to better understand Beth. I also liked how you're including little hints about her past life in the story- she obviously didn't have much interaction with the muggle world while she was growing up as she doesn't know what a "paramedic" or a "television" is.

I'm curious as to where you're going to take this story. Are wizards going to come looking for her? Is her (and her parents') absence from the Wizarding World going to be noticed? Her next year at Hogwarts will be starting soon... Surely she'll be missed. And what will happen with Barty? He'll probably show up soon- I wonder what her reaction to him will be, though she'll probably only see him in passing, on the streets or in the corner of her eye. And what will happen with Amanda and John? It was really convenient of them to be foster parents... Hopefully they are just as nice as they seem to be right now.

Your writing flowed very smoothly from part to part, but I did notice that in the phrase "There isn't much in the hall" I think you missed the word "room".

All in all, I really enjoyed reading this story and I hope that you continue with it!

Author's Response: Sorry this has taken me months to respond to, but (yeah. I have no excuse) thank you so much for spending so much time reviewing every chapter! I'm glad you feel that it's a unique story - because that's so rare in itself! I'm sure there are many others like it in the great world of fanfiction, but I'm glad to know I'm doing something a little bit different.

Thank you very much for the criticisms etc, I'm taking note of them as I write, and they really give me something to think about as I'm trying to continue the next chapter at the moment. Yes, she will be missed in the Wizarding World, but at the moment everyone is very hyped up about the occurings at the World Cup, and haven't noticed much else.

Thank you again! Megan xo


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