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Review:megaaan says:
Hi, this is innocence from the forums; here with your 5,000 mark review!

First of all, what a great beginning of a story! I really enjoyed this, I think it's a fantastic plot line, and I can't wait to find out what's happened in the year's she's missed and why Fred's acting so mysteriously...

There are a couple of grammar points, and the narrative of the dream seemed a little choppy and fast paced, but all in all I really enjoyed this. My only plot point -- if she's lying in a hospital bed, why is she wearing shoes? (where she hides the note)

I like how you've done it from Roxanne's point of view. It makes the reader (aka me) feel everything she's feeling, and it's working very well so far - with her emotions about Fred, about waking up and about everyone being older.

Once again, a fantastic beginning - and I've heard that you've reached 15,000 words? Mummy's very proud, and looking forward to reviewing the next few chapters!

Megan xo

Author's Response: Hi :)
Thanks! I hoped it wasn't too annoying, and there's lots of revealing *smiles mysteriously*
Yeah, I need to go back and edit... later? When I first wrote this, I had absolutely no clue what I was doing. And her shoes were beside her bed ;)
Thanks! I wasn't sure whether to make it 1st or 3rd POV but the answer was obvious - otherwise how can her confusion make sense?
Thanks Mummy! :D


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