Hello there! I'm here with your review as requested. And ah! I'm so glad you did. A sequel! I guess when I read the second chapter of Fish Out of Water, I didn't realize it was over! But I'm so glad you continued on. It was too precious to leave at that. And this was a perfect continuation to it all!
A precious little piece. I adored it so much.
You wrote a perfect day for Teddy and the reader to enjoy with him. I loved how you started it. It was fast and a little-heart pounding. I thought you were starting off with something exciting, and you somewhat did. I got worried with the blood, but I'm glad it was nothing major. But it was a great scene that got the heart going and made your reader excited for the rest of the story to come. I couldn't wait to get into the fluff of the story and to see how it would all play out.
And it was all beautiful. You have written a Teddy that I have just fallen in love with I love him; he is perfect. I hope I am lucky enough to one day have a man like him.
I loved following him around. You kept the atmosphere light and high-spirited. I almost felt as if we were in a movie and we needed a chipper song to go with it because you just got such a good tone going throughout the entire piece and you really kept up with it. Your descriptions were beautiful and matched perfectly. You really put me directly into the piece.
So you really nailed the descriptions. Perfectly. There was so much life in the entire thing, so well done with that. You really have nothing to worry about in that area.
As for characterization, they are both great. You could definitely tell that it was a follow piece of Fish Out of Water. The characters stayed the same and true to the personalities you gave them in the original, and yet there was a lot of improvement. You could see the development in their relationship.
There were many times in the piece when I thought back to Fish Out of Water and it made me think of how much they had grown. Scenes from the first when they were just starting to get to know each other and here where they just know each other so fully and perfectly. They are to the point where they can complete each others sentences if they wanted, and you can tell with that. The talking of the changing of Teddy's hair and eye color made me think to the developing of their relationship. In the first, Vic was so stunned at first when they changed on their date, and here it has just become so natural between the two. That was brilliant. :)
Their dialogue to each other flows together seemlessly. This also shows their sense of completion in each other. You have really written two characters that are clearly a match made in heaven. :)
You did such a great job with this piece. You could definitely tell it was a follow-up, and the characters stayed true to themselves. As such, you had no need to do all the dull introductions, so I'm glad you avoided that. You jumped right into the plot beautifully and got the story going. That same pace kept true for the entire story, and I loved that. It gave me a really good feeling all around.
You had a beautiful flow. Your tone was just perfect. I could feel like a person who was deeply in love and wanting to propose to their girlfriend. You really got it across all perfectly. :)
I passed a few misplaced words and a few commas, but nothing major at all. I can't even remember exactly where they were, and my only constructive criticism to the story and your writing is this one thing. I feel like the paragraphs are a little cramped together at times when you have actions and then a lot of dialogue. Here is one in particular:
“Sorry,” he said, and pointed his wand at the glass on the floor. “Reparo.” The glass sprang back together, and the cup wobbled a little before settling. “Here, give it to me.” He motioned to the dishtowel.
There's a lot of he said this, he did this, he said this, did this, etc. just within one paragraph, and it feels awfully cramped, to me at least. The way I learned to format my writing was that there is dialogue and the speaking descriptions in one paragraph, and then the rest follows in the proceeding paragraph. That proceeding paragraph can end with a new set of dialogue, but then it moves on to the next. I would just suggest to spread it out a little bit. That way it wouldn't feel so cluttered and cramped.
But other than that, this was simply beautiful. I enjoyed it so much. :) Thank you so much for requesting this piece, and I hope this was helpful to you! Thanks! :)
Author's Response: Thank you so so much for the review! I really appreciate it! :)
And yes, I see what you mean. I'll look into editing that a bit. :)
Thank you again, and I am so glad you liked it!