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Review:Roots in Water says:
It's Roots in Water here with your review!

First, let me just say that I have never read a Draco/Hermione before, but this was a great beginning!

First of all, I'm happy to read that your Ron and Hermione just fell apart. It's natural, it happens. I've heard horror stories about abusive!Ron in Dramiones and it's nice to read that this was not the case here. Their reason for falling apart seemed very natural too- we already know that Hermione works a lot (remember third year?) and it would make sense that she would continue to do so, even at the expense of her personal life. As well, I thought the breakup was well written- Hermione just didn't give up, kept suggesting remedies...

The only thing I really noticed that seemed out of place in the situation was the line "Ron’s voice broke with a sob as he put his face in his hands" - I can't quite see Ron doing this. I would think that Ron would avoid her eyes, but not physically hide his face. It seems that he would try to face her- he is a Gryffindor, after all!

It was also a nice touch that Hermione knew Draco from work and that by the time of this story they were good friends. It made it seem less out of the blue. I don't quite know if Hermione would drown her sorrows in alcohol, but then again perhaps she's changed since her Hogwarts years.

Draco's sorrow as well worked very nicely- it gave him a plausible reason to be at the bar that night (less of a coincidence) and a reason for us readers to see their friendly relationship. I was slightly startled to see Draco call her pet names, though. It was a side of him we never saw during the Hogwarts years (he was typically a "bad guy"). That always seemed more of a Pansy thing to do- he was more the refined pureblood and wouldn't lower himself to "silly" names. It also made their relationship much more romantic than it was supposed to be. That could have been a hint on your behalf, though (I forget what the more "literary" term is- wait, foreshadowing).

As for mistakes, I only noticed two. The first was in the sentence "reach out to her: that would only make". I'm no queen of grammer, but I think either a dash (-) or a semi-colon would work better- help it flow more. The other was in the sentence "give up on your ambition for me" and it was more personal preference. I think "goals" would work better than "ambition"; I feel that ambition is more of a drive (more of a quality, a feeling)- I don't think you can give it up, but goals are a more tangible thing, easier to quit or give up. Other than that it flowed very smoothly and was very well written.

My last comment, more of a suggestion, really, is about their confession of love. I'm not sure (I've never been in this sort of situation) but I don't think you'd confess love to a person immediately after you broke up with someone else. Perhaps if you added a short interlude of a sort or even just a bit more conversation, helping them over their individual break ups, it would help to lengthen the time inbetween the breakup and the confession of love. But that's just my opinion :)

This was a lovely read, very smooth. I hope you do well with your challenge and I'm so glad you requested with me!

Author's Response: Oh my gosh! I absolutely ADORE this review! It really made my night. I absolutely love it.

Thank you so much for reviewing. I really appreciate it.

So I'm incredibly happy that this was the first Dramione you've ever read and it wasn't disappointing. :] I'm definitely going to request more reviews from you and open your world to Dramione, haha.

Thank you so much for your compliments and comments about my story. I'm glad you like how Hermione behaves most of the time, and I'll definitely change the part about Ron hiding his face. I agree that that's wrong.

I'll check out the thing about pet names...I'm so fond of them, sometimes I slip them in unnecessarily, haha. I'll see if that's the case. And I'll check out that love-confession. :]

Thank you so much for your review. I really appreciate it!

--Emily

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