|Review:||Roots in Water says:|
Hey, it's Roots in Water here with your review!
This is a really nice story. Your characterization of Narcissa was great. She's quiet in her grief and she recognizes that she still has her family to love, which is definitely shown in the books on several occasions. As for the characterization of Lucius and Draco, well, they didn't make too many appearances in this story. However, I can imagine Draco being quiet immediately after the war. He watched his comrade die before his eyes and realize that his side of the war lost. He's probably still processing the information, and so I think his behaviour is IC. As for Lucius, the only problem I noticed is his transporting of Draco's belongings personally. I got the impression that he would usually have a house elf do the work, but perhaps he's trying to get his mind off the war through physical labour.
There were only a few small writing errors that I noticed, though they are mostly just personal opinion. In the opening sentence, "waking up in Hogwarts after being out for twenty-five years", I know what you mean, but "out" doesn't sound quite right... perhaps "having graduated twenty-five years previous"? I don't know what a better way to say that would be... As well, in the sentence "the look she gave Narcissa suggested further ", how about "further confirmed her idea" instead? It flows more smoothly to me.
The only other thing I noticed was a detail from the sentence "Harry Potter had done the most for them, sparing both Lucius and Draco from spending any time in Azkaban for their crimes.". It's my impression (and I could be wrong) that this story was taking place only a day or two after the final battle. Would Harry have already had time to influence the law? Would the court hearings (where I'd assume he'd speak in their defence) have already occured? But perhaps he just stopped them from being taken by the Aurors with the rest of the Death Eaters- is that what you meant?
I really like the description you used, describing Bellatrix as an "abused doll" and noting the difference in the hands' temperatures between the Dark and the Light side. As well, Narcissa's thoughts (the only thing in italics) were powerful. She thought it was over for her and Lucius, but was hoping for the best for Draco and future generations.
The ending was good as well, hopeful and light-hearted. It fit really nicely as an ending.
I really enjoyed reading this- thanks for requesting a review!
Author's Response: Hey there, thanks for the review! I appreciate both your compliments and critique :)
Thanks for commenting on Lucius and Draco. I realize that I didn't go into them in depth, as the piece was primarily about Narcissa, but people tend to comment on my characterization of her, and I was curious as to what someone thought of Draco and Lucius. Anyway, I'm glad that I did an all right job with them. I figured Lucius's house elves would still be back at the Manor, cleaning up, and that Lucius would just do it himself to get it done and over with as quickly as possible.
I thought the phrasing in the paragraph about Pansy might have been a bit awkward, so thanks for pointing that out :) I'll keep it in mind in my future writing.
The story did only take place a day or so after the final battle, but as you mentioned, I figured that the remaining Death Eaters (the living ones) would have been arrested right away, and that Harry would have put a stop to the Malfoys being taken away because of Narcissa's help in his victory. It doesn't really have anything to do with court hearings and such, which would come later as a way of formalizing Harry's wishes for the family.
Anyway, I'm so glad you enjoyed the story, and thank you for the thoughtful review! :)