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Review:NaidatheRavenclaw says:
Hello, dear!

I think you have a great premis to this. A couple things I want to point out though:
1. I think this is more of personal preference, but I think it's kinda unprofessional when you have "flashback". I would just put "two years earlier" and leave it like that. And then instead of "end of flashback", put "present time". Or just put the flashback in italics. Either is fine :)
2. Do you have a beta? Some of your sentences are awkwardly worded, and a beta would fix that. Of course, this is now going to be really awkward if you do have a beta :P I would go back and look at some of them, because they seem to be a bit repetitive and strangely put at times.

Other than that, this is a great first chapter! Like I said, you have a really interesing premis for this, and it's exciting to see where you plan to go with it. Great job!

-Naida

Author's Response: Thanks for the feedback :) No, I don't have a beta, I'll admit I was kinda rushing through this so I'll go back myself to edit when I have the time. This story is almost like a side story to the Novel I have so that's another reason for the different points of the story, but I think it's a great idea to just do two years earlier, I hadn't thought of that. I may have originally thought it might be awkward to have different years in a chapter, but I guess flashbacks can be equally so :)
Thank you so much for reviewing, it really helps :)


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