I'm back!! :)
Firs thing first, there are a few tiny slip-ups at the very start. For instance, the second sentence doesn't flow right, and probably because it's the very start, it stuck out more. "He leaned against the wall, one foot against it," - change it to , "He leaned casually against the wall, resting his foot up against the bricks,"- as the first sentence, it sounds like your saying the same sentence twice with different words. I seriously do not want to be so nit-picky, but I just thought I should let you know :)
Umm...why would he be in Witch Weekly? I know he's Harry's son and everything, but he's not that famous, if Harry had a reaction to it, his reaction would go into the paper and then what happened with James would be a story. That's just what I think.
I haven't read where Scorpius, Al and Lily were a trio...awe, that's so cute!!
I'm a bit confused, it just seems a bit too 'normal' that James and Oliver are friends, but they weren't before this, I think it would be nice to put in more references in this chapter to make that clear to the reader, because they seem to relaxed and don't have any major reaction when they are in the same compartment together.
Ooooh...So oliver is gay?? That's a surprise, you should have left that hidden for a while, so the reader could start quessing if he's straight or gay- that would be so much fun to read!!!
I really do hope you continue with this story!!! It's so interesting!!!
Author's Response: It's going through editing, I want to make it better, so it flows right. I just don't know if I should leave it up or take it off. I'm leaving it up for now.
These reporters think they're manipulative; if something's being said about Harry's kids, he's gonna wanna get involved. Then he'll be in the papers. :)
Scor, Al and Rose, you mean? LOL.
They're not friends. They've just been in the same group of friends. James thinks maybe they could be friends. James has grown up with reporters following his dad and Oliver is just so used to gossip and rumors about him (you'll find out why later) that it doesn't faze them. At least not as much as it should.
How do you know Oliver is gay? He could just be saying that James isn't. It makes you think, though, doesn't it? You'll just have to wait and see. ;D
Thank you! I will be continuing it. :)
Also, from the last review, I forgot to say, the only reason it was Fanta and not pumpkin juice was because they were both in London, not in the wizarding world. :)