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Review:harrylilyjames says:
Hey!

Saw that your name listed on one of my stories and so hopped on over to your page, got to say the summary of this caught my attention and I just had to read it!

And my thoughts on the first chapter.
Just a nit-pick, when James explains why his parents don't like strangers in the house, you could try and make it more natural, by breaking it up like "ďerm, my parents donít like strangers in the house," and he paused, looking through his clothes "mainly because of reporters..." and when the family are discussing it and James is trying to defend himself, you could add in a little more detail on their actions and facial expressions, or where they are each standing etc. On the same lines, it could do with a little bit more description throughout about what everything looks like or their emotions etc. You don't have to take my opinion, it would make it easier for the reader to get a fuller picture, that's all.

I don't know, but I would have gone with Pumpkin Juice instead of Fanta, this is probably just me, nothing against your Fanta or anything. :)

When Oliver comes into the room with them, you don't actually tell us that he's down, just what Ginny says. You could describe him standing on the stairs or the sound of his footsteps.
Oh, and when he talks to Harry, he talks really straight-to-the-point and normal, you should have him panick or stutter, this is the great Harry Potter he's talking to, give him a little panick-attack lol.

OH MY GOD! I am extremely sorry for making this sound something along the lines of a rant...PLEASE do not take it as one. I ADORE this story, it's cute and adorable, but needs a bit of work with grammar and description to make it easier to read. -sighs- I'm going to zip my mouth...here is what my review is suppose to say.

I ADORE the story you have here, and you've set up the scene for the rumour extremely well. I am going to favorite it and hop on over to the second chapter...I really do hope you continue with it, it has SO much potential.

Author's Response: Hey!

Yeah, there are bits I definitely need to go over. I posted it for a challenge, but now it's over, I intend to go over it and edit it, before I post another chapter. More details and description will be added. Thanks for pointing it out for me. :)

I thought about it but as I developed Oliver's character, he just isn't that type of person, no matter who they are. That will be found out soon enough. :)

Thanks for reading it and I'm glad you like it. :D


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