Lol the poor excuse for an incognito disguise. Nice try, James. Nice try.
The opening scene was slightly chaotic, definitely like a train station would be. People were coming and going, talking and not talking, all blurring together. While that works here, make sure to give each character a defined voice through their dialogue. If you replaced Hermione's name with Ginny's for instance in the line where she said Sweetie, it would have made no difference :/ Make sure those personalities shine through ;) Like Lily, she's always a brat and doesn't even need to talk to have the read see it lol.
'I can't believe that I'm not even surprised Lily would do this to me.' -Seems like this should be two sentences instead of one...
Oliver's character intrigues me to no end. His camera makes me wonder about what he does with those pictures. Also, he's clearly gay-friendly, but let's see who is actually gay and not in the series lol. I'm very interested to find out! Again, poor James, I've got a feeling I'll be feeling that a lot throughout this series :P
Half and half? Is this a blood status thing *confused*
Ooff and the ending confused me more...James' attempt at a failed seduction? Is that what happened or what he was trying to do? I really couldn't tell :/ And what about Sarah's little comment there? Good for him as a gossip reporter or as a person who crushes on James? We shall see...I hope soon! Lol.
As I wrote last time, this chapter was fast-paced and an easy read. I found myself confused at the character's motivation and maneuvers at times like what James was trying to do; I couldn't picture it in my head nor do I think I got what he was trying to accomplish...or Oliver's reaction. I'm baffled to say in the least, so either I'm dumb (plausible haha) or those parts could be elaborated on and less unclear.
Otherwise, I don't have many critiques. This is the beginning to an interesting, and seemingly funny, plot :) I'm excited to see where this goes and where to you take James and Oliver, best of luck!
Author's Response: Hey again.
Haha. It wasn't the best but Harry wouldn't give him the cloak, James can't hide forever.
Yes, I will. They'll all be back. :)
It seemed like one sentence in my head and when I tried two sentences, I got the green line underneath it. So, I left it. :/
He carries his camera with him everywhere and his pictures are like memories.
Half and half - both male and female reproductive parts (think Rachel in Friends :P). we come back to it in Chapter three; if other people were confused, they won't be soon. :D
Oliver saying he would be a gossip reporter was a joke and James realised that, so, as revenge, he tried to make Oliver uncomfortable by pretending to seduce him. But Oliver knew that and it backfired. :)
Sarah's comment - Her and Oliver are best friends and he told her about his crush on James (yes, he is gay). She sees something about James that makes her think he might be gay... But you'll have to wait and see. ;)
No, you're not dumb! I always go back to things and have them elaborated on as the story continues. Things will (or should) become clearer.
I hope it's funny, I'm not so confident when it comes to writing humour. James and Oliver are in for a bumpy ride. ;)
Thanks for reviewing,