Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:Celestie says:
Hey Mel! I'm here for your requested review!

This was lovely. :) I love reading description and this was simply lovely. The imagery of the sea and sunlight and garden was well done. Really, really, a nice setting.

I'm only going to pick on one or two things.

The introduction seems a description heavy. I'm hardly one to be talking, I know, but there's several paragraphs of description before any furthering of the story occurs. A little more balance needs to be achieved, I think, but you're quite close to it.

“She is home, were she belongs.” - should be "where".

"Curiosity fills me and I look around for the source" strikes me as a little awkward. I wasn't really sure how the source could occur only after the curiosity.

"Louis, I think that we can only dream what heaven is like. But Vic always imagined it to be a warm summer’s day. You know, with warm sunshine and soft breeze." - Teddy's dialogue sounds unnatural. I don't really know someone who would talk quite so eloquently or describe something when they're just casually talking. "You know, with sunshine and breeze" strikes me as much more natural.

But these are just minor points, really. Overall, this was wonderful! ^_^ I could really imagine the setting so well!

Nicely done, Melissa! I hope this helped a little!

- Celeste

Author's Response: Celeste, love!

I'm so glad that overall, this piece worked out. I wrote the fic for an UFG banner that I'm still waiting for, really, it's stunning. Half of the description was painted out for me.

I am very thankful for the weak points that you've pointed out here. I'm planning on editing everything on my authour's page very soon, and this is near the top of my list. I only read over it quickly after finishing it and never edited it properly.

Thanks so much! You're wonderful
xx

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Submit Report:  





All stories remain the property of their authors and must not be copied in any form without their consent. This is an unofficial, not for profit site, and is in no way connected with J.K. Rowling, Scholastic Books or Bloomsbury Publishing or Warner Bros. It is not endorsed by any of the aforementioned parties. Rights to characters and their images is neither claimed nor implied. The use of photographs and/or the likeness of any person contained herein does not imply endorsement of any kind. Any depictions were obtained through publically available sources and therefore fall under fair use. Although we may provide links to other websites, we are not responsible for any material at these sites. You acknowledge that you link to these other websites at your own risk. All original administrative content is copyright of the site owner and must not be copied in any form (electronic or otherwise) without the prior consent of the siteowner. ©2000-2012 Fanfictionworld.net

[terms of service] [report abuse] [privacy policy] [site credits]
 
 

navigation

home

search HPFF
read stories
write stories
login/register
get help
site links
forums
podcasts
Terms of Service
Site Rules
contact us

  
 
 

categories & genres

Genre:
- crossover
- drama
- fluff
- general
- horror/dark
- humor
- mystery
- romance
- action/adventure
- angst
- au
- young adult

Popular Pairings:
- harry/ginny
- ron/hermione
- james/lily
- draco/hermione
- more...

Format:
- one-shot
- short story
- novella
- novel
- short story collection
- songfic

  
 
 

quick links

my account
ToS
random story
site rules
help
merchandise


  
 
 

fanfictionworld.net