Wow, this is a very intriguing one-shot. When I saw "stream of consciousness," I wasn't too sure about it. :| I tend not to like that style much. Actually, I either love it or hate it; it depends entirely upon the story and the author and probably what sort of mood I'm in.
I thought the beginning was a bit choppy. I think you'd have polished it up a bit if editing had been allowed, but overall this is extremely impressive for a non-edited story. I have to say some parts are better than others, but that's usually the way it is with my own writing: the first version always has a few bits I really like and even more that I want to improve. That's just the way writing is, I suppose. You really seemed to hit your stride maybe 1/3 or 1/2 of the way through this, and you surged toward the end.
I like that you didn't reveal until near the end who the two characters are. I knew already from your summar/warnings area (but, hey, I don't always bother to read those, especially when I'm filling requests), but you laid a few clues and then worked it in rather subtley.
I loved the homonym you worked in there, changing from sun to son. This was such a fanciful, dreamy piece of writing, but it also had a frenetic edge to it. I would definitely describe this piece as surreal. I particularly loved the description of Fred and George trying to catch the moonlight in buckets and stuff it in their pockets.
Author's Response: Thanks so much for your review! I was actually really excited that you chose to review this piece, because your reviews are quite insightful and honest, and this piece was a bit out there for me.
I'm not a huge fan of stream of consciousness, either, to tell you the truth. It really does depend on the author, story, etc. I remember struggling through James Joyce in my English classes. But I decided to take this challenge because it was actually challenging for me, since it's difficult for me to just sit and write without any kind of filter. It usually takes me forever to write because I think about what I want to say first. This challenged me to just let the thoughts spill out of my head, and I'll admit I couldn't completely turn the filter off. It was a very good writing exercise for someone like me, I think.
I think stream of consciousness writing has a naturally random, choppy, nonsensical aspect to it, and I was actually trying to keep that in mind as I wrote -- because I have this desire to make everything make sense and flow right, so I tried to do away with those thoughts. But yeah, there are definitely some parts that I like more than others -- although, overall, I was pretty pleased with the raw feeling of this piece. I may actually try stream of consciousness again in the future. It's very liberating (as cliche as that might sound).
I'm really glad you caught the sun/son thing! I wasn't sure if anyone would see that, so I think you just made my day! And I agree, it's definitely surreal -- but I think surreality fits Fred and George in some ways. ^_^
Thanks again for the review! It was a very pleasant surprise to come home to!