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Review:nana_banana_xx3 says:
Hello, dear. :] At long last, I've come to review your story! I've seen several other stories that were written in response to this challenge, so I'll be very interested to read through your interpretation of the idea.

I suppose we'll start with the niggly details. Grammar, anyone? ;]

1) Hermione walked into her Transfiguration lesson with Professor McGonagall to found a large group of girls... You'll notice here that you used the word 'found' rather than 'find'.

2) Hermione laughed smugly at the thought of a silent Pansy, it certainly would be an improvement. Here, you have a comma splicing issue - you've got two complete sentences seperated only by a comma. I would suggest either making these two seperate sentences or usuing a semicolon.

There were a few other minor mistakes, but there wasn't really anything more that took away from my reading experience. :] I've two suggestions for you that might help you with your Hermione issue.

First, I felt like the shoes were introduced rather abruptly. If they are going to be such a large part of your story, I would suggest mentioning them at the beginning of the chapter, before Pansy brings them up during the lesson. Perhaps Hermione has just seen them and is still thinking about how lovely they would look with the dress she's looking forward to wearing. What would Victor think? I believe Krum released a sort of girlish side to Hermione, and that might fit in nicely with the shoes.

Secondly, I would have Hermione fume silently to herself after Pansy shows her the shoes. Rather than having her talk about how unfair it was, I would make her actions more aggresive and irritated - not quite so sloppy [dropping the root into the potion]. Maybe she cuts the root into pieces that were too large or too fine. Whatever she does, make it angry and aggressive.

I hope that helps some!

Author's Response: The shoes were brought up in the first paragraph of the story....well not by name but it says the girls were all crowded around Pansy looking at something. The reason they are kind of just throw out there in a sense later on is to go with Hermione's shock at seeing them. I didn't want the readers to know "what" was coming, just that something was :)

As for Hermione's fuming, I don't expect anyone to act outwardly calm or silent when they are extremely irritated hehe. That and I don't see Hermione as the kind of person to attack a root when she is angry, more throw it away from her cause she is irritated and doesn't want to deal with it...does that make sense lol

Also I am a bit confused on what exactly my Hermione issue was? o.o

Anyways, thanks for the review nana!

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